Ian John Haslett

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

My darling Ian, each day is a trial and after all this time I know I should have moved on some but I cannot get past the days when we would share all things. I do talk with you just as I always did and I know at times you are with me I feel you close and I thank you so much darling man for that . I was at your resting place and I was chatting away not noticing other people around and I truly did'nt care because it was as if we had a conversation but I was doing all the talking as usual I felt you close by and I spent some time just sorting the flowers because I did'nt want to leave you and yet I try darn hard not to be there often as I keep being told to move on, ha if only they knew my darling I will never move on and will be happy to be with you all time. I really cannot get five years in my head because I have your things around and your pictures look out at me, I play the tapes you made for me and listen to you chatting away and its as if you are with me, but I know its me fooling myself a lot, but I don't care as long as I can feel you close.

I have many pretty birds in this new garden and I feed them all just as we used to do, old Sammy chases them away when they get too close but he is old now and losing his sight so I let him do what he likes as I want no regrets when he leaves me to join you and little Benny. It seems I live in a very alone world, oh I see people and go shopping etc but its not as ogften as others want, I like to be alone now with my thoughts and memories, I have hidden pain away so I pretend and I know its wrong but I must not let it all come tumbling out so I act very much in control and talk about you as if you are here when with others and they get a bit strange but I just need to keep you close and alive as possible because you should be here.

I love and miss you my darling Ian so much and just wish I could sit and chat with you in front of me and tell you all the ways it was so wrong , but I know I cannot so I just keep you to myself and say I love you E and oh gosh how I miss you when I turn around in the evening and your not here.

Yesterday today and tomorrow I will always love you and never will time change any of my love for you, if anything it grows all the time. so many things I didnt tell you and I hate that. I miss oyu my sweet sweet man forever and until I join you I always will do so. (((HUGS))) and lots of kisses I send, you have my heart and you know it my Ian.

 x x x x x