My darling Ian, each day is a trial and after all this time I know I should have moved on some but I cannot get past the days when we would share all things. I do talk with you just as I always did and I know at times you are with me I feel you close and I thank you so much darling man for that . I was at your resting place and I was chatting away not noticing other people around and I truly did'nt care because it was as if we had a conversation but I was doing all the talking as usual I felt you close by and I spent some time just sorting the flowers because I did'nt want to leave you and yet I try darn hard not to be there often as I keep being told to move on, ha if only they knew my darling I will never move on and will be happy to be with you all time. I really cannot get five years in my head because I have your things around and your pictures look out at me, I play the tapes you made for me and listen to you chatting away and its as if you are with me, but I know its me fooling myself a lot, but I don't care as long as I can feel you close.

I have many pretty birds in this new garden and I feed them all just as we used to do, old Sammy chases them away when they get too close but he is old now and losing his sight so I let him do what he likes as I want no regrets when he leaves me to join you and little Benny. It seems I live in a very alone world, oh I see people and go shopping etc but its not as ogften as others want, I like to be alone now with my thoughts and memories, I have hidden pain away so I pretend and I know its wrong but I must not let it all come tumbling out so I act very much in control and talk about you as if you are here when with others and they get a bit strange but I just need to keep you close and alive as possible because you should be here.

I love and miss you my darling Ian so much and just wish I could sit and chat with you in front of me and tell you all the ways it was so wrong , but I know I cannot so I just keep you to myself and say I love you E and oh gosh how I miss you when I turn around in the evening and your not here.

Yesterday today and tomorrow I will always love you and never will time change any of my love for you, if anything it grows all the time. so many things I didnt tell you and I hate that. I miss oyu my sweet sweet man forever and until I join you I always will do so. (((HUGS))) and lots of kisses I send, you have my heart and you know it my Ian.

 x x x x x

.

Remember me

Remember me when flowers bloom

early in the spring,

Remember me on sunny days

in the fun that summer brings.

Remember me in the fall

as you walk through the leaves of gold,

And in the winter - remember me

In the stories that are told.

But most of all remember

each day - right from the start,

I will be forever near

for I live within your heart.

                                       ~unknown